Away with the pen and the ink
And away with the phone with no wire
I want to email my lass who lives in Hexhamshire
On the webmail site, although Hotmail is dire
I want to mail my lass who lives in Hexhamshire
Her PC wasn't dear (a Mac would have been dearer)
But it took a week to install, during when I couldn't get near her
Now off to the webmail site, though Hotmail is dire
I want to mail my lass who lives in Hexhamshire
If only I could be, chatting live to her
But I must be here, without a webcam to view her
Off to the webmail site, though Hotmail's dire
I want to mail my lass, who lives in Hexhamshire
Open my account, find spam about viagra
Pics of breasts big and hot, and attachments from Nigeria
And from the webmail site, you know Hotmail's dire
I forward a virus to my lass who lives in Hexhamshire
Ah, this mail is fine, oh, this mail ain't dreary
But while she sleeps, it dials up Nairobi
Off to the webmail site, Man, Hotmail is dire
I forward a virus to my lass who surfs in Hexhamshire
Away with the pen and the ink
And away with the phone without wire
I send mail to my lass who blogs in Hexhamshire
On to the webmail site, though Hotmail is dire
I want to mail my lass who surfs in Hexhamshire
She turned off her firewall, that would have blocked her phone wire
I sent a virus to my lass, who lives in Hexhamshire
Away with McAfee and Norton,
In with the bug and the Trojan
Crackers found her discs and now they hacks 'em, squire!
(Words by Widds, October 2004)